You know you're from Burbank if...

From the "You Know You're From Burbank If..." Facebook page

You know you're from Burbank if...

By many with some by me, Wes Clark

...you've ever made out in the parking lot of the Mormon church or the Starlight Bowl
...you've ever ridden that funicular railway between DeBell and the Castaways - or wished you could
...you think AutoBooks-Aerobooks on Magnolia is the coolest bookstore, ever
...you saw "The Ghost and Mister Chicken" at the California Theater
...you know what Smoke House garlic bread tastes like
...you know you can also get it at the DeBell Clubhouse
...you recall that "TEXAS" was stamped under the brown plastic Shakey's pizza glasses
...you revere the Martino's teacake
...you watch Tim Burton films merely because he's a homie
...you know the Blarney Stone wasn't just in Ireland

...you know that The Ramp isn't merely a way to get on I-5
...like Jed Clampett you've crossed the Los Angeles River at Barham and thought, "Pathetic"
...you liked to see the films Warner Brothers was promoting on the side of the studio buildings
...you know where the Popeye weathervane was
...you know Cabrini isn't a pasta sauce
...you admire the airplane art on the wall at Pinocchio's
...you know where to find a really, really nice old car show for free every Friday night
...you have an insufferable sense of superiority when somebody says he's from North Hollywood
...you wondered why the King Swede Jell-O had no taste at all
...you used to buy pants at Miller's Outpost
...you know what two colors the Borrmann Steel sign is

...you wondered what academic subjects were taught at the Kovats Academy

...you ever tried making sense of the Sargent's menu

...you drove down Glenoaks and pondered the names of Drs. Penix and Penix

...you know that with doughnuts the only thing missing is "u."
...you never took the Burbank Studios Tour
...you bought tubes from Electronic City
...you associate the words "Stelling-Hellings" with a handlebar mustache
...you get the joke about "Beautiful Downtown Burbank"
...you made gimp keyfobs at one of the parks in the summer

...you know what rotting eucalyptus leaves smell like

...you know that traffic light near the Home Savings didn't stay green long

...when desperate you bought gas at the 24 hour gas station on Buena Vista and San Fernando

...you loudly insist that it's San Fernando Road and not Boulevard

...you went to the LERC gem show

...you had food at the Albin's drug store counter then shopped for toys at Albin's toys

...you had pie at the House of Pi across from Akron

...you bought a TV from Bar's

...you remember Unimart
...you liked the neon-lined revolving windmill at the Van deKamp restaurant

...you walked around in The Akron and wondered, "Who buys this stuff?"

...you know better than to expect Chili John's to be open every day 9 to 5.

...you've ever eaten a real Breakfast Burrito at a little shack called “Corner Cottage”
...your parents and grandparents went to Burroughs or Burbank
...you have heard gossip about someone from the other side of town on the same day, nay, same hour, it happened
...it's perfectly normal to have a gardener, poolman, and cleaning lady.
...one of the biggest events is either the Homecoming game or the Pop Show.
...your teachers call you by your brothers/sister's name.
...you can't go anywhere without seeing someone you know (usually someone you don't like)
...you have three theatres in less than 1/2 mile radius and that's perfectly okay
...you have adjusted to the planes overhead, either by installing the free noise-proof windows, or by just talking louder
...your school parking lot looks like a high class car dealership
...you refer to yourself as a Burbankian or a Burbanker
...you and or most of your friends were born at St. Joseph's
...you're a Bulldog or Indian for life and won't wear the other school's color
...you love Santoro's, Martino's, Pinocchio's, Giamela's, or some other Italian-named business
...you know someone in show choir
...you see an actor on the street and aren't surprised... in fact you're kind of annoyed that they took your parking spot
...you know someone who has an agent
...you know someone who works for Disney
...you can always tell when you're leaving the city because the road starts to get crappy
...the Burbank Leader is your newspaper of choice
...you hear about crimes in Burbank... about five years after they happened
...after Prom/Homecoming/competition/game, you go to either BJ's, Macaroni Grill, Bob's or the Coral Cafe
...school fundraisers actually raise A LOT of money
...your teachers went to your school
...you refer to the other side of Burbank as "past the bridge" or "the flatland"
...you know you'll end up coming back to Burbank when you grow old
...you see someone on Facebook that you've never met before, but you still know their face from "around town"
...you stopped hanging out at the mall the moment the carousel and the Gap went away
...you've never seen Jay Leno ride around in the same car twice
...every party gets broken up before 11:00 pm, usually because of nosy neighbors
...your mom got pulled over because she took too long to drop you off at school
...you only know of Bob Hope because he's the name of every street, airport and post office in the city
...TV6 is your favorite channel
...you get annoyed because you can't cross Chandler Blvd. because of the bike path
...your neighbors know more about your private life than you do
...you talk incessantly about leaving the bubble, but something always draws you back
...we have white picket fences and people actually care about the environment... and we're proud of it!

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