NOTE: This is a satire I wrote about a fictional 125th Anniversary event, and it's a pretty good illustration of the excesses common during those days, back when the overheated phrase "Rape of the Reenactor" was coined in the pages of the CCG to describe participant/event sponsor relations. ( The CCG cast this in a memorable typo once as "Grape of the Reenactor.") By the way, the Bogusburg Event did not exist, does not now exist and will not exist. This for the benefit of a friend who didn't get the joke and once asked about registering for it. - Jonah

Announcing the 20th Anniversary of the 1970 Reenactment of the Centennial Reenactment of a forgotten minor Civil War skirmish that up until now has been largely ignored in the annals of Civil War history:


This is it! The one you've been waiting for! No expense has been spared in presenting to you the ultimate reenacting experience! Something for everyone! Brought to you by the fine folks at FARTR, Inc. (Fashionable Army Regiment, Theatrical Reserves), who brought you these now-legendary events: the Culp's Hill Fashion Promenade; the Bloody Road Tea Social, the Little Copse of Trees Camp Revival, the Victorian Mourning Seminar, etc.

Registration is $15.00 per person per day (cash only - $10.00 for Dismounted Cavalry). Preregistration is payable by leaving the funds in an unmarked brown paper sack on the side of the road near the '65 Chevy Biscayne just on the Bogus County side of the Bogus County/Louisa County border. Under no circumstances should you leave the sack in Louisa County since due to legal action we will not be able to retrieve your funds - this could cause a delay in your unit's registration! For your nominal fee you get:

- Porta-Potties!

- Expanded new air conditioned tent facilities for Balls, Promenades, Fashion Shows, etc.

- Expanded new Registration facilities!

- Expanded new Day Care facilities for kids!

- Straw!

- Water!

- Activities for Military Participants (time allowing)


Thursday, 16 August

7:00 AM: Day care for children opens (finger fun with percussion caps, matchstick and black powder art, Uncle Remus stories, socket bayonet lawn darts, etc.)

7:30 AM: Troop passes checked.

8:00 AM: food concessions open for business.

11 AM - ??: Tea Social - This is it! The one you've been waiting for! Held in the authentic Amphitheater near Sutlers' Mall. Over 700 preregistered as of this writing. Earl Grey, Darjeeling, Orange Pekoe, etc.

1:00 PM: Blue/Gray Sumo Wrestling Invitational - get your unit's "heavy infantry" members to the try-outs at 11 AM in preparation for this one! Not to be missed! 350 pound minimum. Wool diapers only - NO SYNTHETICS. Paramedics and fork lift on stand-by.

7:00 PM: Ladies' Night at the Victorian Lambada Workshop (always a favorite!) - special guest: Patrick "Dirty Dancing" Swazye reprising his role as "Orry Main" in "North and South II!"

Civil War Film Festival, 24 hour 3 day continuous run of "Zulu."

Friday, 17 August

9:00 AM: food concessions open for business.

9:15 AM: Troop passes checked.

9:20 AM - 12:30 PM: judged individual, platoon, company, battalion, brigade, corps and entire army drill for military participants. Award for best "By Corps into Line."

1:00 PM: Event Sponsor Relay - Watch as prominent Event Sponsors get chased in the 500 meter dash by local Government Officials armed with subpoenas! Paramedics with oxygen tanks on stand-by.

3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Ladies' Fashion Promenade (prostitute impressionists are requested to fall in at the rear of the promenade for authenticity's sake). Paramedics on stand-by.

7:00 PM - 2 AM: Blue/Gray Reunification Ball - held in Three Ring Circus Tent 2A, immediately adjacent to the Federal camp near the I-95 Rest Stop.

7:00 PM - 2 AM: Olde Tyme Tent Revival, held in the uplifting new Crystal Sibley (near the Coca-Cola Emporium). Rev. A. Farbly, presiding. New 7,000 watt sound system has been added so your praise can be heard by those in the camps!

Saturday, 18 August

8:00 AM: food concessions open for business.

8:15 AM: Troop passes checked.

9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: fraternization between the Blue and the Gray.

9:05 AM: Local police called in to quell fraternization between the Blue and the Gray.

12 Noon - ??: Commemorama: your opportunity to get up behind the specially-constructed podium to honor your forebear(s) with a specially-written speech and remembrance. (Limit four generations of forbears, please. Excess floral tributes will be removed hourly at Event Sponsor's discretion.)

1:00 PM: Ladies' Quilting Bee - we've received an invitation to add on to the nationally-recognized AIDS quilt with authentic stitched motifs (period surgical instruments, French envelopes, etc). This is MANDATORY for all Confederate participants.

3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Casting Call for the future Roy Herblech production "Gone With the Wind LVII - The Final Chapter."

7:00 PM - 2 AM: Blue/Gray Victory Ball: The one you've been waiting for! Joe Airs will be leading the New York Philharmonic in a medley of your favorite campfire songs, Monty Python Show Tunes and requests - dance `till you drop! Paramedics on stand-by.

7:00 PM - 2 AM: Spiritual Temperance Revival. The New Way Trio, Wayne Newton, Billy Pentecost, many others will be preaching and praising. Rev. A. Farbly, Presiding.

Sunday, 19 August

8:00 AM: food concessions open for business.

8:15 AM: Troop passes checked.

12 Noon: Lunch from Haversacks. (Haversacks containing lunch will be available for purchase by unit commanders, who will in turn distribute them to military participants.)

1:00 PM - ??: Lost Cause Poem Contest: for the most maudlin Lost Cause poem. Special prize for anyone who can come up with a rhyme for "Antietam." In a special arrangement with Eastern Airlines airsickness bags will be distributed to all Federal reenactors who attend.

2:00 PM: Fifth annual rededication of the Bogusburg "God Save the Confederacy" Monument in the Confederate camp on Business Route 15. MANDATORY for Federals.

3:00 PM - 3:30 PM - Battle of Bogusburg (if time allows).

4:00 PM - Blue/Gray Reunification Uniform Authenticity Contest: in a meaningful competition of uniform authenticity on an "End of Hostilities Between Gallant Americans of the South who fought for their Beliefs and Yankees" theme, soldiers will mix and match Federal and Confederate uniform items in a special commemorative contest. Soldiers best integrating Billy Yank/Johnny Reb impressions will win First Prize - 150 pound bag of black powder!

5:00 PM - End of event ceremonial pig's head mounted atop a mail box post and mustering-out Tractors will tow cars from the parking lot for $10.00 per car.


1. For military participants: only authentic rifles of the approved type may be used. Rifles with barrels marked "Made in Japan" or "Made in Italy" are expressly forbidden.

2. AUTHENTIC PETS ALLOWED (but Pit Bulls and Bull Mastiffs should not be kept in the authentic children's camp).

3. For military participants: no one under the age of four is allowed in the ranks.

4. Alcohol and Controlled Substance abuse allowed at commander's discretion. The Crystal Sibley, however, is a Drug Free Zone.

5. Lights out and quiet in the camp at 2 AM. (However, bagpipers may perform in the Irish camp at the commander's discretion.)

6. Only one sponge bath at the water buffalo per participant. We have obtained sufficient water for the event if reenactors behave responsibly. The abuse of this rule - no matter what the weather - will not be tolerated!

7. Video equipment is brought at your own risk and is subject to confiscation by the Event Sponsor with the understanding that your recorded images may be possibly used in future theatrical productions without compensation to the owner.

8. In the case of an actual medical emergency, the cry "AAAAUUUGGGHHHH!" is to be used to summon the paramedics (who are standing by in an adjacent county). The call for "Medic!" is to be used only during reenacted injuries.

9. AUTHENTICS ONLY! (However, since no one in known reenactment history has ever let this keep them away from an event or kept an event sponsor from cashing a preregistration check, "Come one, Come all.")

10. Event passes will be issued at the registration booth near the Ferris Wheel. You must keep your pass with you at all times. For your protection special Event Sponsor hosts will be placed in units dressed as reenactors - if requested you must show your pass. Failure to do so will result in your termination and disbarment from future events.

11. All Women Who Dressed Authentically as Men During the Civil War impressionists MUST have a up-to-date Coggins certificate (to be presented at the registration tent).

Civilian coordinators and contacts: Jean Holt Wanamaker, PO Box 4, Bugsburg, VA 21002. FAX #1: (703)221-3400 FAX #2: (202)455-6781

Military coordinators

Gallant Confederates: Bo "Wildman" Bedford, PO Box 100, Smyrna, VA 22156 TEL: 1-800-GO-REBEL

Contraband, Dismounted Cavalry, Janitorial, Commissary, Federal military reenactors, etc.: Jonah Begone, PO Box 00, Bogusburg, VA