British Creative Writing 101
This is something I found floating around on the Internet. Is it real or not? Who knows? It sounds British, maybe it really is! - Jonah
The British Military writes performance ratings as Officer Fitness Reports. The following are excerpts taken from actual rating...Believe it or not!!
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. I would not breed from this officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. Technically sound but socially impossible.
- This officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.