Socializing with the Voice of Civil War Reenacting
or, Can Males Get Yeast Infections?
Event Report: Battle of Cedar Creek, VA - 14/15/16 October 1994
by Jonah Begone
The Media Czars of the CCG (Grant MacMeans, Bill Holschuh and "Chef" Enoch) travelled to Virginia for this fine annual event, and set up their funny-looking tent along what they thought would be an infrequently- travelled road. Turned out, it was the main route from the U.S. camps to the C.S. camps, and at one point, they were neighbors to the entire Army of Northern Virginia (as the Rebs style themselves). Yours truly and others were able to freely caper in and around the stacked arms, but when Bill "Reb" Holschuh tried it, he was reprimanded by an officer. Obviously, the moral here is that wearing the gray and sucking up will do you absolutely no good.
"Chef" Enoch offered me some nasty-looking simmering crap in a pot (he calls it "binder"), but I settled instead for munching on some bitter, mouldy peanuts from the bottom of MacMeans' bag. If you folks think the Scotsman pays us writers for doing all those enormously clever articles, you're wrong. We literally get paid in peanuts - and miserable ones at that.
The high point of the CCG social scene was listening to the epic, three hour tale of resident Velvet Artist "Dirty" Mike Shurig's yeast infection. A ghastly tale of anguish, discomfort and embarrassment, it gave me the imaginary itches (our forebears called them "the willies"), in places I've never before itched. Bravely, however, Shurig went on to prepare the 49th Ohio's meals all weekend. Flipping chicken gizzards and sundry other fowl viscera around an old table with his kitchen knife, he never directly answered me whether or not a male yeast infection is contagious. Lucky 49th.
As fate would have it, a pard of mine from church strolled by and confirmed that, yes, males can and do get yeast infections - no dishonor to our beer-drinking velvet artist. Turns out my pard was in the Navy and suffered from an outbreak of it. The brave crew of maritime warriors were mortified to be issued vaginal cream as a remedy, but use it they did. (Just when I figured wool crotch itch was the ne plus ultra of reenacting...)
By the way, I was introduced to a member of the 49th who expressed surprise at my appearance. Reading my articles, he had an image of me as being long-haired, scraggly and greasy. Such is not the case, Dear Reader. (In fact, a breathless female literary admirer told me I resembled an exceptionally handsome figure of dash and gallantry from a limited edition historical art print.) (I'm making this up.)
The battles? Looked like they were swell. Me and the CCG boys spent the entire weekend socializing with you, the common little people of reenacting, and didn't get a chance to take part. Attendance was good, too. Looked like, well, hundreds. More than enough to go around - and the Rebs didn't seriously outnumber the Yanks, either! Looked like the Yanks won the Sunday battle reenactment - feature that. Anyway - it was a good event, and my itching has since stopped, thank you very much for asking. No word on Shurig.