Southern Independence

By Shelby Toe


I was just thinking... what if by some chance the Southern Party wackos and the SCV had their way and the 11 Southern states were granted independence? I think that before they go celebrating they would need to consider the following ramifications...

Shelby Toe


1. The Olympics would have to incorporate new events like whittlin, hawg callin', dumpster diving and the 100 meter mosey..

2. Foreign countries would be scrambling for the Confederate Head of State visits to somehow find a kazoo and Jew's harp player to play a proper "Dixie"

3. There would likely be a big ruckus over South Carolina flying a US flag over the Statehouse.

4. Each country in the United Nations would have to have a Rebonics translator.

5. Paris men's fashion designers would have to develop a new line of clothing, based on tank tops and cut-off-into-shorts polyester pants.

6. Professional Sports contests between the US and CS would never happen, as US players would refuse to play against teams like the "Savannah Sambos", "Atlanta Contrabands" and the "Dallas Darkies."

7. Detroit would have to start making gunracks standard equipment for trucks being exported to the Confederate States.

8. The Confederate Army's "Dismounted Armored Brigades" would have a hard time fitting into the NATO command structure.

9. Any time Miss CSA did not win the Miss World Contest the host would have to put up with an irate tattooed mother threatening to "whup thar azz."

10. With all the Southern congressmen gone, the House Ethics Committee would be out of a job