ARMY OF THE POTOMAC ENEMY #4: "STONEWALL CAMEL"
"Stonewall" Camel, commander of the Army of Northern Virginia Camel Corps, is a
fearsome foe. Not only can he disable careless Yanks with his saber (he is pictured here ready
to unsheathe it), but he also has a tendency to bite, kick and spit. Thoroughly nasty-tempered,
he will also light up his own brand of cigarettes and smoke in complete defiance of designated
"no smoking" zones, thereby threatening captured Union army personnel with secondary cigarette
smoke inhalation (with the accompanying hazard of lung cancer and respiratory ailments).
Stonewall Camel once fought in the West, where he was noted for enduring the hot, dry atmospheric conditions in New Mexico and Arizona. Urging his fellow dromedaries along on the march by sheer charisma, Stonewall's column travelled across the burning sands for many days without water. In this way he rendered excellent service to the Rebel cause.
Perhaps Camel's greatest exploit - and the way his acquired his nickname - occurred on August 15th, 1861 near Baghdad, Arizona. The youthful Camel was assigned command of a wagon train that was hauling captured Federal gold ingots to Texas for transfer to Richmond. A freak sandstorm blew up, obscuring vision in every direction. Instantly realizing the gravity of the situation, Camel froze and held his position so as not to be confused by the swirling sands. A fellow commander, noting Camel's unswerving determination to not give in to panic, cried out "See Camel standing fast like a Stone Wall! Rally 'round that Dromedary, boys!" The effect was electric: the other camels quickly formed a line and weathered the storm, eventually delivering the gold ingots to Confederate high command in Richmond.
If encountering Stonewall Camel, Army of Potomac personnel are advised to offer him sugar cubes and carrots, which he finds irresistible. Then notify a local zoo.
