This one is especially heart-warming, all the more so since there are people out there who wouldn't see the humor in it. - Jonah

The Twelve Politically Correct Days of Christmas

(Found somewhere on the Net - author unknown)

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically-imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me the following:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their contract even though they will not be asked to play a note)

TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression

EIGHT economically-disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally-protected wetlands

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products

FIVE golden symbols of culturally-sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration

(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens, turtle doves and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa, Blessed Yule and Happy Holidays! (Unless otherwise prohibited by law, or, of course, you are suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder - "SAD"- in which case please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.)