CIVIL WAR REENACTORS SURVEY
by Jonah Begone
Please answer all questions as honestly as possible. Liars will be ruthlessly hunted down and shot for the good of the hobby.
1. What traitorous Hellhole do you think should have been burned to the ground during the Civil War?
a. Petersburg, VA b. Bayonne, NJ c. Brooklyn, NY d. Burnside's tent
2. What is your favorite "camp life" activity?
a. Organizing an event boycott b. Company drill c. Battalion drill d. Stealing chickens e. Harrassing women e. Complaining
3. In the field, what tactical maneuver does your unit use the most?
a. Running away b. Heat prostration c. Cardiac arrest d. Refusing to take hits e. Something your unit can't do f. Complaining
4. Do you consider the Federal impression superior to the Confederate?
a. Of course
5. What is your opinion of picket duty at events?
a. I complain about it b. Our camp MUST be guarded 24 hours a day to keep those farby Westerners/Irish/Volunteers away c. If you picket it will never heal
6. What Civil War general would you most like to shoot?
a. Pope b. Burnside c. McDowell d. Halleck e. Howard f. Oh, you meant a Reb!
7. What do you do for a living?
a. Office weenie b. Lawyer (carpetbagger) c. Something better than you d. I complain a lot
8. I weep during these songs:
a. "The Vacant Chair" b. "New York, New York" c. "The Theme from Gilligan's Island" d. "Abraham, Martin and John" e. "Lorena" f. "Born Free" g. "We Are the Champions"
9. My uniform impression is:
a. Early war b. Late War c. Dark Blue d. Smelly e. Better'n yours f. At the cleaner's
1. How many Limited Edition Historical Art Prints of Nathan Bedford Forrest or Confederate Religious Theme Art Prints do you own?
a. 1-4 b. 5 or more c. None yet (Hain't got no greenbacks)
2. How much do you weigh?
a. Just under 350 pounds b. Over 350 pounds c. Cain't see the scale
3. Who won the War Between the States?
a. Us'uns b. Hollywood c. Event sponsors d. Buckwheat e. Someone else
4. When have you last read a book about the War Against Northern Tyranny?
a. During camp revival at the last event b. Don't know (was hung-over) c. Cain't read d. Momma read me "Company Aytch" when I was a child
5. What do you sleep in at events?
a. Sibley b. Wall tent c. The truck d. Mah birthday suit e. Local jail
6. How often do you attend events?
a. When they reenact Rebel victories b. When wife is hung over c. When I can get the truck started d. In between evictions
7. What weapon(s) do you carry at events as part of your impression?
a. Knives b. Sawed-off shotgun c. Revolvers d. Beer cans with sharp aluminum edges e. All of the above
8. Do you attend a religious service at events?
a. Hell, yes b. Hell, no c. Stonewall did
9. Besides Confederate do you do another impression?
a. Union b. Management c. Fenian d. Deadhead e. Willie Nelson f. Warren Oates g. Waylon Jennings
Send all survey responses to Jonah Begone, c/o the "Hell Tent," Any Major Reenactment. Thank you for your time!