Open Letter to All
Women During the 2007 Rugby World Cup
Author
unknown
DEAR WOMEN
1. From 7 Sept to 20 October
2007, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware
of what is going on regarding the Rugby World Cup, and that way you will be
able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be
looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about
not receiving any attention.
2. During the Rugby World Cup,
the television is mine, the VCR and DVD are all mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse at the remote control, you will lose it
(your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in
front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on
the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of
the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I
won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the Rugby
World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be
blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to
eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the
baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for
you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty
of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the
games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12pm and 3pm,
unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If
you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over
it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time".
If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you
less. Remember, you will never ever know more about rugby than me and your so
called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or
divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with
me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the
commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition,
please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the Rugby World
Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the tries are
very important I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want
to see them again. Many times, and record them.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have
any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my
attendance because: a) I will not go, b) I will not go, and c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine
invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a
flash.
11. The daily RWC highlights
show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not
even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you
change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be:
"Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12.And finally, please save your
expressions such as "Thank goodness the Rugby World Cup is only every 4
years". I am immune to these words because after this comes the 2011 RWC
etc.
13. Do not complain that my new
beard is "scratchy" or makes me "look like a caveman".
Showing my support for the (PRINT YOUR TEAM HERE) by growing a beard
is more important to me than our relationship. If you don't love your country
as much as me, then that makes me sad, and you should leave. Quietly and during
the ads if possible.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World Cup