February 7, 2002

Heidi-Ho Fellow Ruggers,

Did you ever notice that in the Feature Bio section of Rugby Magazine, the most common "Favorite TV Shows" are always either The Simpsons or Seinfeld? What's up with that? I can tell you right now, my friends, I am feeling Andy Rooney-ish or Seinfeld-ian, if you will. So, I guess this rant is going to be a scatter-shot, hodge-podge of nonsensical ramblings.

You know what puzzles me? When the last ice cube always sticks to the bottom of the glass. Not the second to last, just the last one. Is it trying to save itself, thinking that you'll get frustrated and give up on it?

I would like to see a poll done, someday, concerning everything rugby. Who, most often, are your rugby administrators, referees, coaches etc.? I'll bet the answer is pretty easy - they're usually forwards. To expand on this vision, most often, who are your rugby whores? Forwards, of course! Probably at every tournament, there's at least one team - 80% of which is made up of whores. You know the easiest way to spot a whore in this situation? He's the 260 lb prop playing wing! Putting all of that together, I guess that makes all of us forwards the die-hards of the Rugby world.

Don't you hate it when someone passes you doing 95 in a 40mph zone, and then immediately slows down to 10mph in a 20mph school zone? I can just hear Homer Simpson saying, "It's true, it's true - I hate that!"

I would like to know when the stereotype of Forwards not being able to kick got started. I've seen many a Back who should never be putting their boot to the ball.

Is it just me, or should there have been 2 seconds left on the clock after the, apparent, game-winning kick in last week's Super Bowl? I, for one, would have liked to see one more play.

Did you ever notice, throughout the course of an 80-minute match, the mystical curing properties of good ol' H2O? We should be bottling this stuff! As the baby boomers start to reach retirement age, can you imagine how rich we'd all be if we just walked around with a water bottle, squirting the sick: top of the head, down their back, into their mouths? I can see the infomercial now! "Four easy payments of $59.95, for all of the magic water you can squirt on your head!"

I would like to see, yet another, informal poll done. What is the percentage of times that a fast food establishment will get your order RIGHT the first time. I was on the road last weekend, and I went a perfect four for four. Not once did they get it right the first time!

Did you ever notice, that when you have a really big match, whether it's the Super Bowl, an important Cup Match, etc. that everything about your preparation and game planning inevitably goes out the window - and you try something entirely new? 9 times out of 10, those crazy selections and strategies don't work.

Isn't it odd how people lose their common sense when their area gets weather that they're not accustomed to? Living here in Dallas, we got probably .5 - 1" of snow yesterday, and you'd think it was an out and out blizzard! People were afraid to go out on the road. Bread and milk were jumping off of the grocery store shelves! Thankfully, the Blizzard of '02 is over and it's going to be 70 degrees this weekend.

I'm sure you all agree, but don't you think it would be wise for the US Eagles to come back to Texas again in the future? I definitely don't want to upset San Francisco, but, in one game in Texas, they more than tripled the average attendance at Boxer Stadium.

Wouldn't it be great if, instead of practicing twice a week, we PLAYED twice a week, and only practiced once?

Bee buh dee buh dee - That's all folks!


Pat Laczkowski
Hooker Rugby Supply