Excerpts from Odd Shaped Balls by John Scally:

Moore to the point

Brian Moore relished both the physical and psychological aspects of rugby. During one of the games on the Lions tour in 1993 he was rucking beside Nick Popplewell. Poppy got a blow to the head and said to Moore, 'I can see two balls, I can't continue.' Moore replied, 'Get back on the pitch and kick both.'

Like Eric Cantona, Moore came up with some cryptic comments, notably, 'Anyone who is fully informed is totally confused. '

Moore was notorious for trying to outpsyche opponents before key internationals. Indeed some of his colleagues on the English team remarked that when he played against France in Paris he was more focused on putting his opponent off than playing his own game. There was one famous occasion when he was hoist with his own petard during Ireland's 13-12 win over England at Twickenham in 1994. The Irish players decided to start a fight with the English team early in the match to throw the English guys off their stride. In the dressing-room beforehand, the question arose as to who should start the fight. Everyone's eyes turned to Peter Clohessy. When the match started Clohessy was looking around for a suitable person to fight with. He first considered Jason Leonard, but he thought Leonard might be a bit of a handful to deal with, so his eyes fell on Brian Moore when there was a serum in front of the English posts. Moore, like Peter Beardsley, is not the most handsome man in the world. One of his teammates said of him, in an alcohol-induced comment, that his front teeth are in the back of his mouth and his back teeth are in the front, and that he was born so ugly that his mother thought his face was on fire and she decided to put it out - with a shovel!

'The Claw' said to him, 'Listen, pal, what are you going to do for a face when Saddam wants his arsehole back?' Moore immediately started a bust-up and because he struck the first blow Ireland got a penalty and three easy points.

Moore appeared on a special edition of the popular quiz programme The Weakest Link in March 2004. The programme also featured France's Thomas Castaignede, Ireland's Geordan Murphy and England's Martin Bayfield and Will Greenwood. The programme is presented by England's most acerbic and ginger TV personality, Anne Robinson. In the chat between the questions Anne asked Brian what he would do if he were Prime Minister. Brian tactfully replied, 'I'd ban ginger people from being on television.'

However, it was Will Greenwood who got the biggest laugh when Anne asked him to explain the game of rugby. He replied, 'It's two teams of 15 a side who try to get a ball up the opposition's end.'

Sacred writing

Forwards, affectionately of course, refer to backs as 'fairies'. In turn, backs refer to forwards as 'donkeys'. In Gloucester, though, the lines of demarcation are more clearly established. The Holy Writ of Gloucester Rugby Club demands: first, that the forwards shall win the ball; second, that the forwards shall keep the ball; and third, that the backs shall buy the beer.